L8 Bloomer In Everything But...

Hey Y'all!

Now, I know what you're thinking...I must be much older than you thought, right? WRONG!! Let me provide a little background of my hair story:

I started actively developing grey hair around the young age of 19. Yes! At 19, I had enough grey hair that my stylist highly suggested that I consider using hair color to highlight the grey a different color. To be fair, my mother prematurely greyed and so did my grandmother, so I don't know why I was so shocked when I started seeing my own grey hair in my reflection. I suppose the shock was me coming to terms with the reality that I was no more special or different than any other human being (when it came to things like this). Genetics are real, I couldn't run from them, and they were displaying themselves right on top of my head!

Over the years, I would notice that people my age or even significantly older than me (15+ years) had little to no grey hair.  Although it kind of bothered me, I truly enjoyed "playing" with hair color (even though I didn't have much of a choice- I chose not to focus on that part).  And let me just tell you, I rocked blonde, red, orange, auburn (blonde was my absolute favorite)!

Imagine, a self-proclaimed "L8 Bloomer" in just about every other aspect of my life...but with regards to my hair- I was light years ahead of my peers. And, I know, you're probably thinking, "girl, it's just hair...no big deal"...But many people (especially women) would beg to differ. I literally Googled, "why is hair so important to women?"

This is what one of the results said:

"Hair is a subject that is very important to women and their self-esteem...These are just a few of the things hair has symbolized for women throughout time, which resulted in the importance of hair to women: 1. Femininity, 2. Identity, 3. Freedom & Beauty, 4. Liberation" (https://orientalhairsolutions.com/blog/2020/11/17/the-importance-of-hair-to-women/).

Sheesh!!! All that, for some dead cells atop of one's head!! And yet, even as I type this now, I think of how silly it could sound to others-- me complaining about grey hair because there are people who suffer from alopecia, male-pattern baldness, cancer and the like, have to deal with hair loss (and sometimes the hair never grows back).

What I have come to realize NOW, though is that, as a person, I am allowed to have contradictory feelings. Sometimes, things are not black or white. In fact, most of the time- life is lived in the "grey" (pun-intended). So YES, I have the right to feel silly for mourning my non-grey hair while at the same time feel sad that my grey hair makes up about half of all the hair on my head (if not more now). I have just as much right to speak my truth and voice my thoughts and opinions as anyone else does and me voicing my contrariety of positions is a situation that (perhaps) many people have found themselves in, albeit for different reasons/scenarios. By the way, this realization of the awareness of dueling opinions just happened recently, as in the last two to three weeks!

I actually have to give partial credit to Mr. G for starting me off on this new thought train. Somehow one morning, we got on the topic of hair (among other things). Hubby felt like I should just allow my hair to grow naturally and stop coloring (even though now I use henna- a plant based color). He was quick to tell me that my hair looked very nice regardless of how I wore it BUT he was equally as quick to let me know that he thought my natural hair would be even more beautiful. I appreciated his compliment but I let him know that I was not ready to look like I was 85 by the head LOL...He just shook his head and smirked. But, for some reason, what he said resonated with me on some level.

To be sure, all of the previous men (which could be counted on one hand) in my life past seemed more excited to see what my hair all grown out, sans color, might look like. Whereas I acknowledged what "they" were saying and it made me feel good to know that "they" were not scared off from the "uniqueness" of my hair situation, I still wasn't ready then to even discuss what they were saying. Honestly, I'm still not sure that I'm ready now, but I think that this post, gets me one step closer...Closer to what, I can't say right now but I know that I my thoughts have been swirling recently about my options pertaining to my hair.

I can remember when I first started transitioning to natural hair, approximately 12 years ago (side note: as an African American, isn't it crazy that we have had to do that), I was not prepared for the mental transformation that came along with something as simple as deciding NOT to continue relaxing my hair (aka "creamy crack").  As I reflect on that transition, I am reminded that although hair is not everything, it is "some-thing" and that any type of change can be difficult. And, by the way, I was also still dealing with the greying hair...and at the time I was dealing with a guy several years older than me who had not one grey hair on his head...

Which leads me to another point...why is it that WHEN men choose to stop coloring their beard, hair, etc- they all of a sudden become "distinguished", "dapper", "handsome"...but women, we become "old", "grandma", etc. Obviously, there is a double standard, but I believe that the above mentioned has either directly or subconsciously affected my view of being a prematurely greying woman.

So, look, y'all- in order to keep it completely real with you, I have to openly admit that accepting my grey hair also means accepting the fact that I am getting older-- even at 19, I had a hard time saying those words (and I was anything BUT old then). Now, I am at the age where, perhaps, some of my peers are just starting to see one or two grey hairs pop up and they're starting to get excited about it. And yet, I am still light years ahead of them. And once again, this is when I have had to tell myself, "Step(h), comparison is the thief of joy. Yes, even while comparing the hair on top of your head to another's". The other side of the coin is that, it is an absolute blessing to make it to the age that I am now because sadly, many of my former students, friends, acquaintances, and even family members did not have this privilege.

The other thing is that my journey has always been different (hello L8 Bloomer) from anyone else's and this part would be no different. I have had to force myself (as I have had to many times before)to tune out all of the voices outside of my head (all of the well-meaning people who have agreed with me that allowing my hair to do its own thing would absolutely age me or that I was too cute to have all that grey in my head at my age and the likes)...

and listen to what my own voice was and is currently saying:

"Maybe I have been so worried about how others would view me instead of trying to figure out how I REALLY view myself. It's nice that others feel a certain way about me but what is most important is how I feel about myself. And the reality is, I don't know what I might look like if I allowed myself to play with my grey hair because I've never even given myself a chance to see if I might like the look or not. It's not that I'm anti-hair color...but I also don't want to be a slave to it as I feel that I have been for so many years...I want to see what my options are and perhaps expand those options to include silver/grey/purple and such".

These are the real thoughts running through my mind on a daily basis...and there has been this underlying whisper that I cannot quiet: "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"- Lao Tzu

So, I'm not making any declarations, all I am saying is that I am going to take a step...

I hope y'all had a nice glass of wine while reading this post!!! But, enough about me! Have you ever had contradictory thoughts about a matter or situation that others might see as small potatoes? Did it make you feel uneasy inside? How were you able to come to terms with your own thoughts and honor your feelings? Let me know below!

~Steph~ Confessions of a L8 Bloomer